Love for the Local Celebrity

The population of Santa Claus, Indiana, reaches just over 2000 people, and you can bet each one has a story of their home-grown hero Jay Cutler. It's even more likely that all 153 residents of Sykeston, North Dakota, have their own tale of how they helped groom Travis Hafner into a baseball star. My home town of Windom, Minnesota, is hoping to join this list with our newest idol.

Pitcher Mike Nesseth, son of Larry and Deb who raised him in the corn fields of southwest Minnesota, was drafted in the 15th round of the 2009 Major League Baseball draft by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. He may return for another season at the University of Nebraska to improve his draft status for next year (I could make a few calls, but this is a blog and I'm not a real reporter anymore, so deal with it) but the fact of the matter is, Windom is ready to ride his coat-tails.

For example, just a few weeks ago, my buddy Hunter was looking at the Cottonwood County Citizen sports page, which has a 5 Years Ago This Week paragraph. He was proud to see that the paragraph revisited a Windom Eagles varsity baseball game in which Nesseth started, but Hunter came in to record the win. He joked about cutting it out, getting it laminated, and putting it on a plaque for the day Nesseth makes it to The Show. Since I've never been one to turn down a good pissing match, I'm thinking of stories that can top that, with their corresponding asterik.

-Nesseth was on my 4-H fast pitch team, but I was our starting pitcher for every game. He was cast off to the outfield.*

*Just because it was underhand fast pitch doesn't make it any less of an accomplishment.

-Nesseth was a great all-around athlete, but he still couldn't start over me at tight end on the football team.*

*So what if I was a senior and he was a sophomore who still started at cornerback and weighed only 135 lbs soaking wet?

-Nesseth was on the basketball team with me, and even though he was pretty good, my career high outscored him.*

*For that one game. He's second all-time on the Windom basketball career scoring list. But we really needed that win against Sioux Valley - Round Lake - Brewster!

-I burned Nesseth for a home run once.

*It was in T-ball, he was playing in left and I hit it to right. Just details, baby!

In all seriousness, I hope the day comes when Nesseth reaches the majors and me and all my dumb friends can tell these stories. We never really hung out away from school or sports, and I don't think I've seen him since he graduated high school. However, I do know that he was a fun kid to play ball with who always seemed to have a pretty good attitude, sense of humor, and level head (to any Windom people who are reading this, the answer is no, I'm not going to follow that up with a joke about a field approach).

The best part of this story is the fact that I even got to play ball with Nesseth. I wasn't in baseball, but we were on the same football and basketball teams. In this age of sports specialization, where kids get groomed for their best sport by the time they're 5 years old, it was nice to see him play, and excel, in all 3 sports. It could have been very easy for Larry and Deb to encourage him to quit everything else when he was the ace of the baseball staff as a sophomore with college letters flooding him. Instead, he was allowed to have fun with a balance of sports, and the University of Nebraska was allowed to train him to become a star pitcher the right way.

But if anyone asks, I taught him everything he knows.

Do the Helen Keller, and putt with your hips

By now, we've all heard the song by 3Oh!3 that tells us all to avoid trusting hoes and dance as Helen Keller would speak. For whatever reason, radio stations nation-wide have edited the word "ho" from the course, yet they leave in that whole "Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips" chant. Call me crazy, but it's hard to determine which is more offensive. Personally, I love all of it, so we'll leave it up to each individual radio station's consent as to which of these instructionals are appropriate.

- Do the Travis Henry, and make thirteen kids.

- Do the Tonya Harding, and talk with your whipping stick.

- Do the Kobe Bryant, and cheat on your wife.

- Do the Boof Bonser, and gain 30 pounds.

- Do the Ron Artest, and beat up some fans.

- Do the Erin Andrews, and look really hot.

- Do the Michael Phelps, and swim with your hash.

- Do the Plaxico Burress, and shoot yourself in the hip.

- Do the Joe Mauer, and just rule at life.

- Do the Lance Armstrong, and win with one nut.

- Do the Pittsburgh Pirates, and trade your whole team.

- Do the O.J. Simpson, and take back your shizz.

- Do the Marko Jaric, and impregnate a model.

- Do the Ricky Rubio, and stay in home country.

- Do the Tony Romo, and score a fat chick.

- Do the Robert Flores, and suck at your job.

- Do the Brett Favre, and MAKE UP YOUR MIND, DAMMIT!

- Do the Mark Prior, and never go pitch.

- Do the Blake Griffin, and be doomed to the Clips.

- Do the Pete Rose, and lie for 26 years.

Don't trust a slugger, never trust a slugger, don't trust a slugger, don't trust MLB.