It's been two weeks since the photo of Michael Phelps taking a bong hit surfaced. Since then, the South Carolina police department has been working on a case to charge Phelps with possession. Phelps has decided to admit to his wrong-doings, and released a journal of his pot-smoking days.
October 25, 2004 - Party at Backstroke Bob's house tonight - things got a little crazy. After three Jag-bombs and five Smithwick's, somebody busted out a bong. Whatever, the Olympics are over, so I gave it a shot. Didn't really feel anything, so I don't know if I'll do it again.
November 15, 2004 - Had a couple buddies over tonight to watch Harold and Kumar. Speedo Steve brought some weed, so I tried it again. This time, I think I might of gotten high. It was like my facial hair was talking to me, like each hair had a little tiny face, and was screaming "Lectric Shave!!" So, I shaved off my goatee last night. Bro, that thing took like three months to grow in that full.
November 27, 2004 - Decided to buy some weed to have on my own tonight, you know, just to kick back and relax. Bad idea. This time it hit me way harder. Checked my phone this morning and saw that I called Katie Couric, Paris Hilton, and the three chicks from "Girls Next Door." Man, I hope I didn't ask any of them out again.
January 14, 2005 - Cereal has become my favoritist munchie, so I signed an endorsement deal with Kellogg's. Sure hope they don't find out I'm on the grass, that advertising dude seemed like the type who would flip on a dude for smoking the reefer dude.
April 23, 2005 - Thinking about taking a little break from the ganja. I had the biggest craving ever for Frosted Flakes last night, and called every guy named Tony that I knew to see if he was the Tiger. Those dudes were totally pissed, bro, they need to just chillax.
August 25, 2005 - Note to self - don't get high before watching tennis. I switched spots with one of those ball boys at the US Open so I could get a better look at Maria Sharapova, but then I tried to cop a feel when I ran by. Luckily everyone thinks I'm just clumsy outside of the pool. I can roll with that.
December 12, 2005 - Neil Patrick Harris is THE MAN!!!
February 1, 2006 - Filmed a commercial with Snoop Dogg, and woke up this morning in a Taco Bell bathroom.
March 13, 2006 - Filled out a celebrity March Madness bracket with ESPN after toking up and put 11-seed George Mason in the Final Four. He sounds like a chill dude.
July 4, 2006 - Spent $27,000 on bottle rockets. Used my joint to light them all off.
September 3, 2006 - How has Afroman not won a Grammy yet?
November 18, 2006 - I've been travelling around the states for the past few weeks to watch the leaves turn colors. I just think it's SOO COOL.
December 25, 2006 - I wonder if Santa Claus ever thought about trading in his reindeer for a bitchin' rocket pack.
April 3, 2007 - Chopsticks on the piano is a lot harder than people give it credit for.
May 56, 2007 - I like the month of May so much, I think it deserves more days.
October 15, 2007 - Can't decide who to be for Halloween - Kelso from That 70's Show or the old Syracuse Orangeman mascot. I love oranges.
January 1, 2008 - My New Year's resolution is to give up weed... after this year.
March 2, 2008 - The Olympics are about 6 months away, and I'm so stoked that they're in Beijing. I really hope I get to meet Jackie Chan.
May 5, 2008 - I've been looking at my medals from the 2004 games, and decided that gold is way more fun to make funny faces into than the other medals. Maybe I should try to get, like, eight of them in Beijing.
August 8, 2008 - At Beijing for the Olympics. Smoked a bowl with Andrea Kremer and promised to do an interview with her after every single race that I do. I've also decided that it looks fricken sweet to flap my arms across my chest while I'm at the starting blocks.
August 16, 2008 - Won all eight golds at the games, meaning I got more bling that Flavor Flav. Dude.
September 3, 2008 - Went to like eleventy billion interviews in the past few days, but at least the Bill and Ted movies have been on HBO.
November 17, 2008 - Partied it up in South Carolina tonight. Some dude got a picture of me while I was taking a hit off some Billy Bong Thornton. He seemed chill, though, so I don't think it's a big deal.
Just so long as no one ever finds my journal.
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