Michael Vick's Movie Script

On July 20th of this summer, 3-time Pro Bowler and 2001 top pick Michael Vick will be released from federal prison. In all likelihood, Vick will make a return to the NFL, sit out one full season under Roger Goodell's "Don't be a punk-ass like Pacman Jones" policy, and then become a starting quarterback in a league that features Tavaris Jackson, Kerry Collins, and Jake Delhomme as starters for playoff teams. The obvious choice for Vick is the Minnesota Vikings. Seriously, they're hoping they can get a Super Bowl out of a quarterback battle between Sage Rosenfels and the aforementioned T-Jack. Vick's comeback will be well documented, and then poorly portrayed in a movie. I see it going something like this.

The Comeback

What will actually happen: Vick signs with the Vikings and receives modest backlash from fans and other players. During his season in which he sits out, he declines most interviews. He makes an exception for ESPN's Michael Smith, but reveals very little about his time in the joint, any dog fighting details, and his year-long suspension.

In the movie: Vick (played by Ludacris) signs with the Vikings, even though owner Zygi Wilf (played by Mario Cart's "Wario") is totally against it. The only reason he goes along with it is because Brad Childress (played by "Kevin" from The Office) fights for him, constantly saying "I believe in him," while violins play as background music. Even Vick wonders if the comeback is worth it: he's receiving death threats, his heart isn't into it, and worst of all, he continues to have flashbacks the dog fight. We find out in the film that Michael allowed his younger brother Marcus (played by "Chance" from A Real Chance at Love) to live with him after his own NFL career dwindled. Marcus was having dog fights in his brother's backyard, and with Michael gone all the time at workouts and charity events, he had no clue what was going on. One night, Michael comes home to find a make-shift stadium in his backyard, with a championship fight between a two dogs ("Eddie" from Frasier vs. "Baxter" from Anchorman). He is shocked at the sight, and as Marcus hangs his head in shame, the police arrive. Michael takes the fall, bringing us back to the present day. He interviews with ESPN's Michael Smith (played by Stuart Scott), who knows that Marcus was behind the whole fighting ring. However, Vick refuses to throw his brother under the bus, and during the interview, he discovers the only way to win back his good name is to win - on the field. This brings us to training camp.

Training Camp

What will actually happen: Vick arrives in Mankato to the tune of a dozen protesters, but his teammates are fairly welcoming. By Week 2 of the preseason, he is named the starter.

In the movie: Vick arrives in Mankato (played by Canada) and needs a police escort to get through the sea of protesters. They're nothing compared to his teammates. No one will talk to him, especially star runningback Adrian Peterson (played by a constantly shirtless Will Smith). Peterson pleads for a trade, saying either Vick goes, or he goes. During practice, he fumbles every handoff on purpose. They come to blows in practice nearly every day, and Vick begins to crumble under the pressure. His performances in preseason games are subpar, and Brad Childress begins to wonder if he made a mistake with Vick. He talks it over with his wife (Scarlett Johansson) and daughter (Miley Cyrus) who tell him to just believe in him. Childress takes their advice, sits down with Vick, and says, "I believe in you," while violins play in the background. Then he sits down with Peterson, and says "Just believe in him," while violins play in the background. Peterson agrees to play alongside Vick, but his skepticism still lingers as the season opener nears.

The Season Begins

What will actually happen: The Vikings start off 2-2, but beat the Lions 26-14 in Week 5. Vick throws for 7 touchdowns, rushes for 2 more, and has 5 interceptions on the season. Morale is average; players say it's a long season, and that they are ready to start a win streak.

In the movie: The Vikings lose their first 4 games in a montage (to the tune "Dead and Gone" by T.I. and Justin Timberlake) where we see Vick get intercepted 18 times, brutally hit 73 times, and throwing his helmet to the ground in slow motion 4 times. The montage also shows Peterson shaking his head in disgust, while Childress looks on with a blank stare. Before Game 5, Jared Allen (played by WWE's John Cena) and Pat Williams (played by Rueben Studdard) tell Vick, "If you blow this game, we'll take you out," while violins play in the background. The Vikings trail the Lions 20-7 with :22 left and the ball at their 34 yard line. On a designed hail mary, Vick takes off on his own. He breaks 9 tackles, with 4 spin moves, 3 stiff arms, and 2 shake and bake moves, on his way to the end zone. 7 seconds are left, Vikings trail 20-14. Vick pleads Childress to get into the game for the onside kick. Childress says no way, until Vick says "Believe in me." Violins play in the background, as Childress sends him onto the field. On the kick, the ball hits an opponent, who is instantly pulverized by Vick. Adrian Peterson recovers, then nods at Vick. One second is left, with 45 yards to go. Once again, Vick scrambles, breaking tackles and racing away from defenders all the way down to the 3 yard line, where he is nearly pushed out of bounds. Just before his feet touch the white, he laterals to Peterson, who dives over 5 defenders into the end zone. Though we do not see an extra point kick, the Vikings win 21-20, as Peterson and Vick embrace with violins playing in the background.

The winning streak

What will actually happen: The Vikings win 6 straight games, and finish the season 11-5. They win the division and get the 3rd seed in the NFC playoffs. Vick's final stats: 21 TD passes, 7 rushing TD's, 12 INT. He gets mentioned in MVP talk, but is a long shot.

In the movie: The Vikings do not lose again in the regular season, winning each game convincingly in another montage (to the tune of "Let it Rock" by Kevin Rudolf and Lil' Wayne). We see Vick and Peterson alternating touchdowns, approximately 73 in all, hugging after each one. The Vikings head to the playoffs as heavy favorites in the NFC, but Tom Brady (played by Ryan Seacrest) and the undefeated New England Patriots look like an unstoppable force in the AFC.

The playoffs

What will actually happen: The Vikings beat the Redskins in the first round, but lose in Atlanta to the Falcons in the second round 20-10. Vick plays well in both games, but untimely fumbles by Bobby Wade and Naufahu Tahi cost them on two scoring drives.

In the movie: The Vikings storm through their first two games in the playoffs, then go to Atlanta where Vick is booed beyond belief. Fans are burning his old Falcons jerseys while they build shrines to their new quarterback Matt Ryan (played by Zac Efron from "High School Musical"). Once again, the Vikings trail with time fading. Down 45-42 with 4 seconds left and 87 yards to go, Vick passes to Peterson, who breaks three tackles, then laterals back to Vick, who shakes four defenders, then laterals to Artis Hicks (played by "Quincy" from Old School), who is tackled at the goal line in a giant pile. It takes the refs 5 minutes to separate the pile, while Vick looks on anxiously, Childress looks on with a blank stare, and violins play in the background. Touchdown is signaled, and the Vikings head to the Super Bowl. In the week leading up to the game, Marcus Vick vindicates his brother by telling all reporters on Media Day that he was in fact responsible for the dog fights. Michael Smith nods in the crowd, as Marcus and his older brother, Michael, embrace. All is forgiven. We move ahead to the game, where the Vikings trail again, 28-23. Tom Brady has just thrown the go-ahead touchdown, and just made a throat-slashing gesture to Vick, who is the only one to see it. Using this as motivation, he tries to drive the Vikings 80 yards in 19 seconds. In the final play, Vick scrambles around the defense, and dives for the pylon in slow motion as we see cut-aways of Adrian Peterson looking excited, Tom Brady looking confident, and Brad Childress with a blank expression on his face as violins play in the background. We cut back to Vick, who is now on the ground, the ball just an inch shy of the end zone as the Patriots storm the field. As Vick sits in disappointment, Peterson cheers him up by saying, "Hey man, I believe in you." They hug, and Vick walks off with pride to a slow clap led by Tom Brady. The movie then fades to black as violins play in the background.

The movie is set to hit theaters in the summer of 2011. Stay tuned for the sequel in 2012.