March 7, 2009: I go to the Doctor
Me: Doc, I just haven't been myself lately. I've been going on spending sprees for team apparel of different colleges, like this Belmont shirt I have on, this Virginia Commonwealth hat, and these Morehead State boxers. When I drink something, I blow bubbles, and then argue with myself over which bubble is best, like they're little bubble teams. And I have this odd new habit of kissing the middle of the floor at my job, right on the Cartridge World logo, just before I leave. What's going on?
Dr. Lunardi: Well, son, I think you might have a case of March Madness.
Me: Good one Doc. What's really happening here?
Dr. Lunardi: I'm serious, I think you have March Madness. Do you fish?
Me: Yeah, I went last week, what does that have to do with it?
Dr. Lunardi: Well, did you cut off the net and hold it over your head afterwards?
Me: Yeah... How'd you know?
Dr. Lunardi: Now I'm sure it's March Madness. I bet you also framed your shirt from the time you scored 7 points in that pickup game last week.
Me: Yeah, I did. Is this also why I've started trying on glass slippers at the shoe store?
Dr. Lunardi: Probably.
Me: And why I tried drawing up a bracket for I Love Money 2?
Dr. Lunardi: I would imagine.
Me: And when I tug on the front of my shirt with pride after a successful trip to the bathroom?
Dr. Lunardi: That's a little odd, actually.
Me: Oh, sorry. Man, I always thought March Madness was just a saying, not a real disease.
Dr. Lunardi: Yeah, that's what people said about cooties until Paris Hilton came along.
Me: Really? So Gold Fever?
Dr. Lunardi: Flavor Flav.
Me: And explosive diarrhea?
Dr. Lunardi: That one was always real.
Me: Right. So how do I get over this March Madness?
Dr. Lunardi: There's no cure, only time can heal it. Until April to be exact.
Me: Should I avoid college basketball?
Dr. Lunardi: No, if anything watch more of it. Fill out the brackets, debate bubble teams, bet on games, just go ahead and get your fill before the season's over. Just avoid heavy doses of Digger Phelps.
Me: Thanks, Doc. Now, can we take a look at that prostate of mine?
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